Truly, Stupidly, Cynically Outrageous
by Courier999
Summary: When the Holograms and Misfits arrive in Lawndale for a music festival, Daria's sanity is put to the test when two figures from her old town of Highland show up as the Misfits' newest groupies. Can she, Jem, and Jane deal with the imbecilic interlopers without going mad? Rated T for language. R&R!
1. Chapter 1

DARIA/JEM: Truly, Stupidly, Cynically Outrageous

_Daria, Beavis and Butt-Head_ and all related characters are property of Viacom. _Jem_ and all related characters are property of Hasbro.

Chapter 1: Morons? In My Van?

_Somewhere near the Dos Equis Pavilion, Dallas_

"Hey, Butt-Head! Check it out!"

A rather homely brown-haired young man with braces turned to face where his blond compatriot was pointing. Before the duo's eyes was a black van with the word "_MISFITS_" painted on the sides, with flames painted beneath that.

"The Mis…fats? Beavis, if you're suggesting we try and score with fat chicks again—"

"No, buttmunch! They're that band of hot punk chicks on TV!" Beavis replied before beginning to (poorly) sing the opening riffs of "Out of My Way".

"So?"

"Maybe they've got cool stuff in there, like beer or smokes!"

Right on cue, the rusty, gummed-up gears began to turn within Butt-Head's hollow noggin.

"Beer's cool. Huh huh huh." he finally said.

"Yeah, but we aren't going to get any if we just stand around here! Heh heh!"

Fortunately for the two imbeciles, the owners of said van had forgotten to lock the back doors— meaning that the duo was able to clamber inside to begin their search for the forbidden fruit among the various and sundry instruments and pieces of sound equipment stashed back there.

* * *

_Lawndale High School— about three hours away_

"So, you heard about that music festival that they're holding this weekend?" Daria said in her usual near-monotone.

"Considering that Trent's been going on about it for the past week, yes. You planning on going or something?" Jane replied.

"Only because I'm morbidly curious as to how Mystik Spiral'll crash and burn in front of musicians that've actually achieved some level of widespread popularity."

There was a pregnant pause in the air.

"I'll bring the popcorn." she finally said.

* * *

"So, where to next, loves?" Jetta asked as she hauled her suitcase up to the waiting van.

"Lawndale Music Festival." Stormer replied.

"You mean that show Eric booked us for just so we could play talent scout?" Pizzazz said.

"That's the one."

Just then, a low chuckling noise emerged from the back of the vehicle.

_Why do I have the distinct feeling that this can only go so well?_ Stormer thought as she joined her bandmates.

* * *

"This sucks." Butt-Head proclaimed as he and Beavis finished up their search, still bereft of either cigarettes or alcohol.

Just then, the sound of an engine starting filled the air.

"Hey, we're moving!" Beavis exclaimed.

"Maybe they're taking us someplace cool. Huh huh huh." came the reply.

"Like where?"

"Someplace where the chicks have big knockers and we can finally score!"

"…_the hell is that noise?_" a woman's voice piped up from further up in the van.

As Beavis turned his attention to the voice's source, his eyes went wide. Sitting directly within his field of vision was a familiar green-haired woman who featured prominently in his erotic fantasies and whose picture had served as fuel in his continual defilement of Tom Anderson's toolshed.

"Um, Butt-Head? I think we're already there, dude."

"We are? That rocks!"

As if to emphasize the point, the duo broke began to poorly sing the opening riffs of "Electric Funeral", with Butt-Head playing air guitar.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Since I've been a bit of a _Beavis and Butt-Head_ kick recently, I got to wondering what it'd be like if the dim-witted duo ended up having an unexpected reunion with their old classmate, which in turn got me to thinking about how things would turn out if the Holograms and Misfits paid a visit to Lawndale, and thus was born this fic.

As for the location of Lawndale in this fic, I'm going with it being a satellite city outside of Austin, while Highland is closer to the Dallas-Fort Worth area.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Setting Up the Pieces of Disaster

_Grandstaff's Coffee_

"So, Janey, Daria— me and the others were thinking about something." Trent said.

"We're listening." Daria replied, raising an eyebrow.

"See, with the music festival coming up, me and the others've been thinking that maybe if we manage to impress someone high up the musical food chain—"

"Relax, Trent— you'll never have to worry about selling out. That'd require you to be actually be good enough to be seriously considered for a record deal."

"…she's got a point." Jane replied.

A wounded look materialized upon Trent's face.

"That being said, you might be able to improve your chances by, y'know, improving Mystik Spiral."

"Um, thanks?"

"Don't mention it."

* * *

"Give me one good reason why we shouldn't just throw you two stowaways out onto the asphalt." Pizzazz said, the van currently parked at a gas station.

"Hehehe, you said 'ass'." Beavis replied.

Pizzazz shot the duo a death glare.

"Answer the question, idiots!" she snapped.

"Uh, we think you're cool." Butt-Head replied.

Pizzazz's expression softened.

"You do?"

"Yeah! You're cool!" Beavis added.

"And just how cool do you think we are?"

"Like, cooler than the Holograms." Butt-Head said.

"Yeah, cooler than the Holograms! They play wuss music!"

"And, like, you're really really hot."

By this point, Pizzazz's ego had passed the "utterly flattered" stage and was now approaching "dangerously inflated".

"Do you really think so, boys?" she said.

"Um…yeah." Butt-Head finally answered.

It was at that moment that Stormer gave her bandmate a tap on the shoulder.

"What is it?" Pizzazz snarled.

"I don't think we should take these guys with us. They look like nothing but trouble."

"Look at it this way, Stormer. If we point them at Little Miss Pink Hair and the Singalongs, our chances of being the highlight of that shindig go up from 'very likely' to 'certain'!"

"And, um, like, we've sworn that we're, y'know, up to no good or something." Butt-Head piped up.

"Yeah yeah! Up to no good or something!"

Pizzazz turned back to face the two.

"Okay, boys— you're in. Welcome to the Misfits."

"Whoa, we're part of the Misfits! This rocks!"

* * *

_Holograms' Tour Bus- en route to Lawndale_

"Um, Jerrica?"

"Yes, Kimber?"

"Is it just me, or does anyone else have a feeling that things will go horribly outrageously wrong at the show?"

"It's just you." Aja bluntly replied.

* * *

_Morgendorffer residence_

"So, Daria, are you looking forward to this wee—" Helen began.

"Yes."

"That's wonderful, hon—"

"Bubblegum pop vs manufactured "punk" vs Trent's well-meaning ineptitude— what's not to love about the ensuing disaster?"

"You do know that there're going to be other acts, right?" Jake replied.

"Yes, but why should I care about those Celtic metal or pirate metal or throwback country-folk bands? They're just going to be average or kinda good and boring."

"What do you have against the Holograms, though?" Quinn piped up.

"Nothing apart from the fact that their music makes my teeth rot."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Bands Inbound

"_Prehistoric horrors lurking in the hollow world beneath our own? The evil that lies within, next on Sick Sad World._"

Jane rolled her eyes.

"Lost Himalayan lizardman civilizations, robotic ancient astronauts, a wannabe one world order with a snake motif, various and sundry denizens of the hollow Earth— they've really gone into a rut recently, haven't they? I can't believe I'm saying this, but now I kinda miss Moth Boy." she asked.

"Maybe someone sent the producers a bunch of pulp novels and cheap technothrillers as a tax write-off. Though if we're being honest, the hollow Earth thing seems the most likely if you ask me." Daria replied in between mouthfuls of popcorn.

"What makes you so sure about that?"

"Because there's no way two normal human beings could produce either member of a certain pair of morons from my hometown, even accounting for uranium in the drinking water."

* * *

_Somewhere along the outbound road from the Mall of the Millennium— about 100 miles from Lawndale_

"Hey, Butt-Head!"

"What is it, Beavis?"

"Are your ears burning too?"

"Of course they're not, dillweed! Now settle dow—"

Just then, Butt-Head's expression turned to one of pure amusement as his ears suddenly grew warm.

"Uh uh uh. She said 'member'."

"Who did?"

"I dunno."

"_Shut up back there!_" Pizzazz snapped from the front seat.

Had either of the boys been able to see it, they'd have noticed that Stormer's face now bore a smug "I-told-you-so" expression directed at her bandmate.

* * *

"So, what're Trent and and his friends doing?" Daria asked as she mentally blocked out the latest story (something about fish-frog men from Atlantis having kids with human women up in…Maine? Massachusetts? Definitely an "M" state along the coast, though.) on _Sick Sad World_.

"What do you think they're doing?" Jane replied.

"Good point."

There was a long silence.

"So, how's everything going with your folks?" Jane finally asked.

"Nothing to write home about apart from the three consecutive Fashion Club meetings, which means I've had to listen to Sandi Griffin's pitiful attempt at a French accent outside of school three more times than I've ever wanted to."

"Lemme guess, it's got to do with—"

"Close, but no cigar. It's about those Stinger guys and how they're all color-coordinated and how it's sad they aren't showing up to grace Lawndale with their presence and you get the general idea."

"…yeah, sounds about right for those four."

* * *

_Halfway between the Mall of the Millennium and Lawndale_

"Just play it cool. No matter what they say about Jem and the others, just play it—" Rio chanted under his breath as he eyed the Misfits' van.

Before Rio could even remove the nozzle from the diesel pump, his train of thought was promptly derailed by the sound of synchronized chuckling. A quick glance to the side revealed the source to be two teenage boys (one blond and one brunette) in Misfits T-shirts.

"And just who might you two be?" he wearily asked.

"He's Beavis, and I'm Butt-Head." the brunette replied, pointing first at his companion and then at himself.

"And why are you just standing around doing nothing?"

"We're, like, um, looking for chicks, dillhole."

"Yeah, yeah! Chicks with big thingies!"

"How very fascinating. Now, if you don't mind, I've got work to do."

As Rio returned to pumping fuel, Beavis and Butt-Head's eyes drifted around only to focus on Jem standing near one of the windows.

_"Boi-oi-oi-oi-oiiing!_" the former exclaimed, drool dripping from his jaw as he stared at the pink-haired singer.

_Congratulations, you idiots— I haven't even known you for ten minutes and I already hate you._ Rio thought as he filled up the bus's tank, all while Beavis and Butt-Head wandered off towards the nearby convenience store.

* * *

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

Anyone who catches all the easter eggs in the bits with _Sick Sad World_ gets a no-prize.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Walking the Spiral (of Insanity)

_Casa Lane basement_

"_When the aliens come/when the death rays hum/when the bombers bomb/we'll still be freaking fr—_"

Trent's singing came to an abrupt halt as he broke out into a nasty cough, prompting the rest of Mystik Spiral to similarly stop their instrumental performance.

"You okay, Trent?" one of the guitarists asked.

"Just fine, Jesse. Just a little frog in my throat is all."

"Sounded like you were about to hack your lungs out. Maybe we should call it a day, let you rest your pipes a bit so you don't throw 'em out before the festival."

Trent sighed.

"Okay. See you guys tomorrow then?"

"Yeah."

* * *

"Listen, you two. We've got a few days before the shindig starts, and I need you to do something to prove you're real fans of us." Pizzazz said as the van pulled into Lawndale city limits.

"Your wish is, like, um, our command." Butt-Head replied.

"Good. Now, all you need to do is sabotage the Holograms' stuff— their sound equipment, their instruments, and so on and so forth."

"Sabaton's cool. Uh huh huh."

"I said 'sabotage', not 'Sabaton'! You know, breaking things!"

"Then why didn't you say so?" Beavis replied.

Pizzazz's eye twitched.

"Clash, would you do us a solid and keep an eye on the braintrust over there?" she asked.

"Will do!"

* * *

_Schloss Morgendorffer_

Daria grit her teeth as "Music is Magic" drifted from Quinn's room at full blast (accompanied by Quinn's singing along, of course).

_ And just when I was getting into the swing of things._ she thought as she saved her changes to the latest entry in the adventures of Melody Powers.

* * *

"_Music is magic/Nothing can compare/Everybody starts to rock/When music's in the a–_" Quinn sang as she pranced around her room.

A sudden knock on the door promptly snapped her out of her reverie.

"Who is it?" she asked, promptly turning off the stereo.

"_It's your sister, and I'm here to tell you that they can probably hear you from Highland. So if it's all the same to you, turn it down._"

* * *

"So, um, Crash is it?" Beavis asked.

"It's Clash, and what do you want to know?"

"Like, what do you do in the Misfits?" Butt-Head replied.

"Well, I'm not really a Misfit yet, but I will be someday! I just need to keep paying my dues by doing things like getting them things and carrying all their stuff–"

"So, are they like…DAMN IT CLASH YOU'RE GETTING MY CLOTHES DIRTY! STOP DRAGGING THEM!" Beavis shouted while waving his arms. "DAMN IT CLASH THIS BEER IS WARM! GET ME ANOTHER! YOU DEAF OR SOMETHING? I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS INTO NEXT TUESDAY! NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I–"

"Uh huh huh. Settle down, Beavis." Butt-Head chuckled.

Clash blinked.

"It's not like that!" she yelled.

"Then how come you're their bitch?"

Clash bit her lower lip.

"What're you saying?"

"You need to, like, grow a spine or something and teach those fartknockers who's in charge!"

"But I thought the Misfits were cool!" Beavis piped up.

"Settle down before you screw up our best chance to score, buttmunch!"

Butt-Head then turned his attention back to Clash.

"So, like, maybe we should sabotage both the Misfits and the Holograms, teach 'em to stop dragging you around by the ba– err, knockers. Sound like a plan?"

Clash bit her lower lip again as memories of past humiliations and snubbed requests for Misfits membership raced through her head.

"Sounds like a plan." she said after several seconds of contemplation.

Beavis and Butt-Head began chuckling, with Clash soon chuckling exactly like them.


End file.
